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I’m Not Racist, I Just Only Like People Who Look And Think Like Me


Dear snowflakes (especially the very sad/dumb J.K Rowling),

I am not racist. I’m just a regular old (white) guy who enjoys the classics: whether that’s holding the door open for a lady or denying minorities fundamental rights.

You and me, we’re not so different. We have hobbies — you like to go to concerts, I like to make a nice DIY torch and march in the name of white supremacy. We both have heroes — you look up to Michael Jordan, I’m partial to Hitler. Yes, I know he didn’t win any NBA finals lol. We even probably share interests — like drinking water, for example.

Look we’re already finding common ground.

Besides the fact that you’re a good person and work harder than me and are nicer and are probably better at mostly everything and definitely better at making people orgasm, we’re basically the same.

So, please stop using the “R” word. Please stop being so quick to label me. I’m not racist, I just hate everyone who doesn’t look like me or think like me and I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure they are vanished from this Earth. If wanting a planet full of white people with the same terrible haircut is racist then ok lol yeah I guess I’m “racist.” Sue me (don’t).

Yes, I have a tattoo of a swastika. Yes, the wallpaper in my room is just repeated pictures of Steve Bannon’s face. Yes, I spent my weekend knitting a confederate flag quilt. What’s your point? I put on my KKK robe one arm at a time just like everyone else. Is there anything racist about that? This is the single biggest witch hunt in history.

Side note: why do people always talk about toxic masculinity around me? Should I google that?

“I am happy to make money. I want to make more money, make more music, eat Big Macs and drink Budweisers” – Kid Rock, Future President

Man, I fucking love Kid Rock.

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